Sunday, 9 August 2015

Doubting

Long suffering husband just inadvertently made me cry. We were talking about how badly I want to be a good rider and how I feel like I'm really failing. How discouraged I'm feeling with where Midge is at, and how hard I'm taking the decision to sell Ginger. He's like "I know how bad you want it...I see how hard you work and how dedicated you are. You're great!" What can I say? I love him, he's the best. But then: "That last lesson I watched I couldn't believe how much you had to get after Bridget just to canter those poles, but you smacked her and really made her go!" Wait, say what?! I know his comment was meant in a kind, "you're great because you can get even Bridget to do stuff" way, but all I could think was that THAT was his take home from my lesson? That I'm a winner for getting my horse to canter via a whip? That riding Bridget looks that difficult? Since I knew I was being silly, I thanked him for being so supportive and attempted to change the topic :) Not to be deterred, he continued on with "Bridget can be really tough...she was SO bad that lesson" And then I cried. Because it was actually the best lesson I'd had on her in quite some time and even EC was complimentary of the change as far as the cooperation and forward button went. Even so, I was unhappy with it and G had just inadvertently pointed out the things gnawing away at insecure old me.

He attempted to salvage the situation by saying "Hey, don't worry, when Ginger sells we'll go shopping for something you can event and have fun with. Remember, we just got Bridget because she was safe and nice and would be a good trail horse for you. It's not the end if the world if she isn't good at jumping" And of course I just cried harder because oh-my-god-I-suck-so-bad I would only ruin New Horse too. And because obviously Ginger isn't replaceable.

And finally, I cried some more because I felt bad that dear, sweet G has to put up with a crazy horse girl like me. And then a little more because it's selfish to be all emotional over something so minor when other people have real reasons to be sad. So I cried a little for them too.

Maybe you have to know me in real life to really find this story funny - I am one if the most practical and level people out there. G is sometimes is offended I don't get more obviously emotional about real life issues. So, let this story serve as (more) proof that horses make people crazy!

Here's a bonus pic of Bridget being weird and getting sort of stuck upside down while rolling. A hazard when your back is a table top I guess :) Ginger is intrigued as normally she is the weird one:


11 comments:

  1. I think we've all been there, done that. Hang in there!

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    1. I love the blogging community - such a silly thing to cry over in the grand scheme of things but other horse people get it and have been there too. Thank you!

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  2. Sending big hugs! I too am a very practical person, who rarely gets emotional. I had a huge falling out with my best friend and she was not invited to my wedding. Didn't cry. Didn't care. But with Apollo's lameness stuff and the people at my new barn not being super friendly....I sobbbed uncontrollably.

    Try not to be so hard on yourself. You have come such a long way with Bridget. Give yourself some props for that! And sometimes horses and people are not a good match (in the case of Ginger). I think everyone has been there before, myself included.

    Sending big hugs, chin up! :)

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    1. Thanks you. I have had some similar family/friend issues and yep, no tears, just move on and live happily. Horses though? Look out, here comes the crazy emotional person who second guesses everything :)

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  3. Aw, I love your husband. Hang in there! It's okay to be sad and frustrated right now.

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  4. I think I go through this routinely every three-four months so please do not feel alone! lol. We all do it.
    Right now I am currently questioning if I even like showing... I hate the prep, I hate the travel, I don't even really like the showing part... but I like the ribbons. Am I burnt out? Is it because I have to actually 'ride' to get Pal through spooks and balks and I somewhat can't trust her to save me? I am a mess too!!!!

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    1. Showing is a tough one...like you I've never actually liked any part of the actual show or prep. Watching shows? Yes. Competing? Not so much. The only thing I like is how having a show date on the calendar forces me to ride with goals in mind and reach beyond my comfort zone.

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  5. sending you so many hugs!! i tend to be very practical and unemotional too... until it all builds and builds and the bursts through. not a fun feeling :( but hang in there - you really ARE doing great things with Bridget and she's proved before that the go button exists - she's just got to relocate it!

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