Part of me really doesn't want to blog/think about my visit, but the main part feels like you've all followed along this far, plus the only person judging me around here seems to be me :)
So, the minute I walked up to Ginger's paddock she was like "Oh no, not you!!" She is after all the master at reading people and could tell from a mile off I was feeling a little emotional.
Trainer M ran thorough some of the things she's done with Ginger, and hopped on for a ride. Ginger obviously likes her (she is a beautiful rider) and looked as relaxed and happy as I've ever seen her. She's done a great job, particularly as Ginger tried her best to convince everyone she was feral for the first few weeks. Pony is all about needing someone to trust before she'll work for you.
Next up, my turn to ride. Annddd, it went really badly. Poor Ginger was like "Why are you shouting at me, I am not Bridget! Please relax and don't nag" I don't really even know how to recap my "ride". Basically I walked around and felt terrible, because Ginger went from going pretty well with M , to being unsure and reactive with me from the moment I got in the saddle. I kind of froze up and got nervous, and honestly just felt horrible that I was making her so upset. M said not to worry, it's obvious we have history, Ginger just wants to be good, it's something we can work through...etc etc etc. I was just like "No. I can't. Ginger deserves better than this, it's obvious she is telling us that I am not the rider she needs right now."
So, if she doesn't sell I am going to do my very best to find a suitable lessor for her. And on that low note, I said goodbye, gave her a big hug and a bunch of her favorite peppermint treats. Then I got in the truck and cried pretty much the whole way home. I really hate myself right now, guys. I know Ginger can be dramatic and silly, but she really wanted no part of being around me today, and it was pretty hard to hear that from her.