Riding wise, the anxiety from our little wreck is gone. In it's place is me thinking I'll never get better, I make too many mistakes to be fair to the pony, etc etc
The lack of confidence in my riding means I don't ride as well as I can, it means I get frustrated with myself, it means my coach is left scratching her head a little at my new inability to follow her directions...or you know, just smile and look like I'm having fun. We jumped a 2'9" course on Wednesday and rather than being excited, I was trying not to cry because pony is so awesome and I'm so sucky. Emotions, they stink.
Combine that with being a little burnt out from feeling like I should take every opportunity that comes my way (seriously, I'm still not used to having options and the option of staying in one place long enough to not need to do everything all at once!) and I'm a bit ambivalent about the upcoming shows. I'm not sure I'm in the right head space to give B the positive ride she needs. I got the rather large bill from last month's XC schooling and show outings and I'm honestly like "whoa, I spent a lot of money being stressed out!" (Yes, yes I know, no regrets, learning opportunities and it went really well for the most part. I know no one really is looking at me thinking I'm terrible and don't belong there...like I said, head games!)
|This deer has been living in or around the yard for the entire year I've been here. She is very tame and sleeps near my front door. We have an agreement where I don't bother her and she prunes the garden. I call her Nibbles :)|
Luckily, I've been here before and still know exactly where I want future me to be and have an idea of what I need to do to address this...
Where I want to be:
-I want the confidence that comes with feeling capable.
-Big goals: I do want to ride the pony to the upper levels of dressage. EC says we can reasonably aim for PSG, and I like that idea. I want to ride her to pre-Training eventing and jump 3'+ stadium courses confidently. I want to get to Training or Prelim one day eventing wise (not on this pony though, she is fabulous but her big heart is limited by her size and physique)
Essentially, I desperately want to do it all, but I am your average not talented at all adult ammy with a limited bank account and time limited by a full time job and lots of other commitments. My strengths are that I am quite motivated, hard working, good at prioritizing my riding, I get as many hours in the saddle as I can, and have a great coach. Most importantly, I've somehow lucked into a super pony partner.
What I can do right now:
-Scale back a little with the shows and other self imposed time frame/financial pressures. I will sign up at the last minute, if at all. No worries, there are lots to go to and options every weekend between now and October.
-Keep on with the lessons. Slacking off there will unfortunately not magically result in me riding at the level I'd like to.
-Get out for more fun rides. Hard work is good, fun is important though, too.
|Bridget is having fun surfing in Oregon on our virtual adventures|
-Continue with fitness. Better fitness equals better riding.
-Do for myself what I do for Bridget - break it down into smaller chunks. Go back to things I know I'm good at, and prioritize one or two things I want to do better. Work on that until it's boring and I'm ready for new challenges.
-This week: Work on relaxing lower leg and having pony stay forward. (Stop the nagging, already)